These past few years, it seems I came face-to-face with someone I always just passed by – Myself. Before this moment of self-discovery, self-trust and self-being, I needed to be a daughter, a wife, a mother, a learner, a follower. In my journey to know myself, my totem was the wolf. I naturally chose her because I love dogs. More importantly, I chose her because she is wild. There is a wildness in every creature until they are tamed. In this wildness, there is seeking, learning, intuition, and a strong spirit. As a wolf-spirit I encountered magic, mystery, mirth. Dared to speak and act. Dared to dance. Dared to unearth old and new truths and revelations. Dared to leap. Through her I understood the cycles of life, valuing and honoring all creatures, river-crossing and adventure. I thank the spirit-wolf for helping me grow.
Recently, I have been drawn to pictures of women and horses. My daughter, Lauren, first gifted me with such a picture and, for me, it was full of color and energy. Like a woman, a horse is a beautiful creature with her beautiful mane, polished coat, long neck and limbs and a solid body. In the book, Clan of the Cave Bear, Ayla was the first woman to tame a horse. When she visited a village astride a horse, she was vision. The people were amazed how a woman and a horse could be of one spirit. On a horse, a woman is towering; a woman can ride like the wind; a woman can journey as far as her eyes can see; and a woman leads.
I took an animal totem exam again, and still my spirit is the wolf. This year, I want to be a horse. The horse spirit is about freedom and power; movement and journey. Maybe it’s because my loved ones have begun their own journeys. Or perhaps there are journeys I need to take or this life will not be complete. Or it could be that I am challenged to take the journey others have taken before me. Whatever it is, may the horse-spirit give me the courage to run with pounding hooves in a race for life and freedom.